tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post6353861296581486451..comments2024-03-19T14:28:03.565+00:00Comments on welsh hills again: Being a stepmotherElizabeth Musgravehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09473705107636868753noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-2698180774461424382010-08-20T01:36:18.455+01:002010-08-20T01:36:18.455+01:00Elizabeth - I have seen and overheard things that ...Elizabeth - I have seen and overheard things that made me furious and sad as well, with children or animals getting the brunt of someone's ignorance and pain. I'd be quietly typing up your post and sending it to the hairdresser's if I knew their address. Someone intervening in a private way could make all the difference for that child. That said, I know some 7 year olds that I wouldn't want to spend the weekend with, relations or not...Frithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01733628227209788165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-91941964235945379252010-08-18T21:39:16.578+01:002010-08-18T21:39:16.578+01:00LPg - the little girl here was seven years old. I...LPg - the little girl here was seven years old. I wasn't judging I hope. I know it is hard. I'm sorry if you have had hard experiences yourself.Elizabeth Musgravehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09473705107636868753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-84046710262114822052010-08-18T12:25:15.306+01:002010-08-18T12:25:15.306+01:00Untill you walk in her shoes, don't judge the ...Untill you walk in her shoes, don't judge the Lady.. There have been 16-18 year old girls that have done <br />atrocious and horrendous things,<br />cruel and spiteful. I am 73 years old and they are out there.<br />Believe me.<br />We all want to think the best.La Petite Galleryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09553902574516930172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-82439058612504558932010-08-18T10:16:46.087+01:002010-08-18T10:16:46.087+01:00This sounds like excellent advice - wish I'd h...This sounds like excellent advice - wish I'd had it twenty years ago when I was living with a guy who had 5 boys and a really manipulative ex. Glad things have worked out well for you!broken birohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233920262119205474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-77051734523390684112010-08-18T03:31:40.608+01:002010-08-18T03:31:40.608+01:00You have shared some good, solid wisdom here.
I...You have shared some good, solid wisdom here. <br /><br />I, myself have been stymied lately by things I have heard mothers saying to their young sons in public lately.<br /><br />One little boy was joyfully bopping along to the music being played over the grocery store sound system. His mother said, "If you like this kind of music, you're a fag. Are you a fag?"<br /><br />I had to restrain myself from beating her about the head and neck with a frozen turkey.<br /><br />I heard almost the exact same conversation in the arts and crafts store the last time I was there. A mother had brought her son along shopping, and he was admiring the strands of beautiful beads and gemstones on display. The boy couldn't have been more than 8 or 9 years old, and his mother said, "Only gay boys like this kind of stuff - what are you, a little sissy?"<br /><br />Again - all I could do not to wrap one of those strands of beads around her neck and put her lights out.<br /><br />How can adults IN THIS DAY AND AGE have so little awareness of the damage they are doing, the horrible attitudes they are fostering in their kids?<br /><br />I am once again reminded why I chose not to have any children. Not enough deserted islands to go around.Marchelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11201825708442679157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-70925443210460523752010-08-17T22:37:42.385+01:002010-08-17T22:37:42.385+01:00I love your 'chicken and garden' posts but...I love your 'chicken and garden' posts but I love your philosophy posts even more, I think. Sorry, but I also think this was pretty wise... :)Exmoorjanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09230395732150659356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-88411314861755810452010-08-17T22:20:25.091+01:002010-08-17T22:20:25.091+01:00Hmm, this post has brought tears to my eyes becaus...Hmm, this post has brought tears to my eyes because of its resonance for me. Your first point is the most important - it's the situation that every child fears and none seek - that's what should be at the forefront of every adult involved.Chris Stovellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03741359642268813093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-2302097181444648902010-08-17T21:51:59.935+01:002010-08-17T21:51:59.935+01:00I feel very uncomfortable with being called "...I feel very uncomfortable with being called "wise" here! I am far from wise. Just ask my husband, or anyone else who has seen me towards the end of a good party. Actually he would be a very good person to ask about this as he has, in my view, been a first rate stepfather. At least he is the one all the kids, both mine and his, ring when water starts to come through the ceiling.<br />I rather like Fennie's idea of "consultancy parenting"! It is so hard when you are in the middle of something like this to see that it is not forever. It will change. I wish I could share that with people struggling with it.Elizabeth Musgravehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09473705107636868753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-14032162086738382902010-08-17T20:32:31.023+01:002010-08-17T20:32:31.023+01:00Sound advice. I hope she finds someone else who wi...Sound advice. I hope she finds someone else who will tell her before it is too late; someone who will be in the right position to say all that you wished you could!Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13357761230206692089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-38754659082430275732010-08-17T18:26:53.530+01:002010-08-17T18:26:53.530+01:00What a wise blog this is. The other day I posted...What a wise blog this is. The other day I posted a blog about marriage break up and its effect upon the children. How I do agree with every word you say - I find it painful to even think about that little girl struggling to find love from her father.The Weaver of Grasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13947971556343746883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-32081758079009158042010-08-17T16:58:04.434+01:002010-08-17T16:58:04.434+01:00Wise words - so many of your comments apply to rel...Wise words - so many of your comments apply to relationships in general, too, like working out what really matters.Fran Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07935088780461825341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-15107557499827223072010-08-17T16:37:41.381+01:002010-08-17T16:37:41.381+01:00I hope your stepchildren realise how lucky they ar...I hope your stepchildren realise how lucky they are to have you - its sad we cant say what we want to to strangers - sometimes they might just benefit from our experiences - but then again !!!Paulenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08300880144910219873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-2660681941009106202010-08-17T13:29:12.641+01:002010-08-17T13:29:12.641+01:00Just read your blog, shame you could not print you...Just read your blog, shame you could not print your words of wisdom and ask the hairdresser to pass it on. Not only will this woman destroy her relationship with her partner, but also the little girls with her dad. She should grow up and be pleased her partner wants to carry on seeing his daughter, and not dump her like so mny men do.chris, milatoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03847489924381501022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-42883188747508982872010-08-17T12:37:21.441+01:002010-08-17T12:37:21.441+01:00You are so wise.... extremely wise. However, you s...You are so wise.... extremely wise. However, you sound so different from the woman in the hairdressers.<br />I wanted to scream at that woman. You cannot come between a good father and his child.A child who has gone through pain & suffering just needs so much security and love.<br />That child must feel her stepmother's resentment and jealously coming through everything she does. Poor little girl.<br />Maggie X<br /><br /><a href="http://granniemay.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Nuts in May</a>Maggie Mayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06183886005936250976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-83648581644647114362010-08-17T10:54:01.216+01:002010-08-17T10:54:01.216+01:00You are so wise, Elizabeth, and this is a very mov...You are so wise, Elizabeth, and this is a very moving post. No wonder stepmothers have a reputation for being wicked, but it is a hard slot to fill and to fill well. Missing you.Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588437065757203375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-34029581186544068352010-08-17T09:43:34.897+01:002010-08-17T09:43:34.897+01:00Wise words there E - what a shame you couldn't...Wise words there E - what a shame you couldn't have gently proffered them where they were so clearly needed.<br /><br />Aren't these sorts of conversations compulsive listening? I used to hate getting of buses when my stop came and I was listening agog to the conversation from in front or behind!mountainearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15977393968796316843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-65649165625291387692010-08-17T09:40:15.833+01:002010-08-17T09:40:15.833+01:00Words from the heart, Elizabeth, and very wise, se...Words from the heart, Elizabeth, and very wise, sensitive words too. Hopefully that little girl is resilient and will come through these difficult early times with an insecure new stepmother. But how painful it is to hear such things and be powerless to intervene and offer help!rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00474723200653576051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-87347560179121444992010-08-17T09:06:44.736+01:002010-08-17T09:06:44.736+01:00That's a beautiful post Elizabeth. I can imagi...That's a beautiful post Elizabeth. I can imagine this conversation and I believe your advice is entirely correct. I fear that this woman may become as my stepmother became to me, although while this step-mum seems to allow herself to be dominated by the child in my own step-mum's case it was very much her forcing her will on me. I would have liked a step parent who followed your precepts. Everyone would have been a lot happier! Maybe you could try to have this piece published somewhere as it could help many adults and many children. Maybe Gwenoldy could extend its consultancy services to parenting. I've never heard of a 'consulting parent' but I'm sure there's a great need for them out there.Fenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02377814681496294457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-76618309307267038512010-08-17T06:15:28.851+01:002010-08-17T06:15:28.851+01:00Well said! One of the most important things in a m...Well said! One of the most important things in a marriage split is that the parents, or step parents, never say nasty things about a child's other (absent)parent. That is SINFUL.Cro Magnonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06840670227576695352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-20085531303363243082010-08-17T03:48:49.419+01:002010-08-17T03:48:49.419+01:00You sound like a very wise woman. It's too bad...You sound like a very wise woman. It's too bad that step mom is so immature and insecure. You would be a great mentor. ♥♫Marilynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13116154641827479893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-7518771910304332512010-08-17T03:15:33.405+01:002010-08-17T03:15:33.405+01:00I hope someone has this conversation with her.
I h...I hope someone has this conversation with her.<br />I have no experience with step-children or parents, but have watched many friend ruin relationships due to an inability to see things as you've just laid them out.Pondsidehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02407539138546412482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-31546671958999108942010-08-17T02:00:33.042+01:002010-08-17T02:00:33.042+01:00Excellent post, kindness will prevail over their s...Excellent post, kindness will prevail over their stubbornness. Bless you, GinaAntique ART Gardenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06674268803389194210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-42800664744820489562010-08-17T01:34:15.719+01:002010-08-17T01:34:15.719+01:00Much wisdom here! Thanks for putting this to words...Much wisdom here! Thanks for putting this to words even though you weren't able to speak them earlier. I'm sure many can still glean from this insight.Leonorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04701518822526054010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-58725852817906705662010-08-17T00:32:44.906+01:002010-08-17T00:32:44.906+01:00Well reasoned and well expressed. She sounds jealo...Well reasoned and well expressed. She sounds jealous and immature.English Riderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01712384532126551307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028290314714419963.post-64425974277364909282010-08-16T23:44:34.666+01:002010-08-16T23:44:34.666+01:00VERY sound advice and chock full of wisdom nuggets...VERY sound advice and chock full of wisdom nuggets! I am a step-grandmother and I tried very hard to develop a relationship with my husband's 2 granddaughters. We are an older couple and his first wife died....after 41 wonderful years of marriage. I was married for 41 years as well...not happy but still married. My family embraced my new husband and loves him dearly. HIS family would rather not have EITHER of us in their life if they can't have him alone. He made a difficult choice but we are currently estranged from his family and have been since he had a heart attack 1 1/2 years ago. My point is it hurts everyone involved if all the people in a relationship do not try to work with each other. Old hearts ache from rejection just as the young hearts do. Poor little girl. This heart of mine goes out to her even though I have never laid eyes on her. Thoughtful post and well done!!Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09623820316056914224noreply@blogger.com