OK, this is it - weight loss time

I blogged a couple of months ago about women and weight and was knocked out by the number and the passion of the responses. Really struck a chord there! Well a week ago I started to diet and this morning I have lost five pounds so time to stop being secretive about it and have a look at what is going on.

I have never been a natural skinny but, varying up and down by half a stone or so (oh no, summer, time to lose the winter podge) I spent my twenties and thirties at around 9 stone, about right for me at 5 foot 4. Sometimes I resented people like my brother who can eat industrial quantities without putting on weight but mostly I just accepted that watching what I ate was part of the feminine condition and in the fight between greed and vanity, vanity usually just about won.

It got harder to maintain the equilibrium in my forties, needed more exercise and more deprivation so I settled for around 9 stone 4, accepted the flabby tummy as a badge of honour and got on with it.

Then my body got hit by my illness two years ago (see Journey in and out of darkness blog) and when I started the long slow process of recovery I was thin and bony, at a weight I hadn't been since I was about twelve. My collarbones jutted, my ribs protruded, my breasts disappeared and so did my bum. My operation scar ran huge and red from pelvis to sternum. I looked battered and breakable and I hated it. So eating my way back up to a normal person's weight was practically a duty! And I relished seeing my curves return and finding my clothes fitting again and eating toast and cake and puddings without guilt.

A couple of months ago I knew I had overdone it: I was 10 stone 5, starting to feel self conscious, to find some clothes too tight, to avoid the mirror, to dislike the sight of myself naked, inwardly blaming the scar which in reality is not too bad now, another badge of honour. While we were on holiday Ian took a photo in which I look old and fat, not at all how I see myself in head, so I came back thinking I would do something about it and just didn't, messed about, telling myself I was cutting down but not really doing it, being "good" all day and then having a couple of quick doorsteps of bread and butter before tea and not counting them because I had been hungry, had eaten them standing up, they weren't a meal, deceiving myself, knowing I was doing it but seemingly unable to stop.

It is strange what gives you a kick in the pants: in a week or so some friends are visiting. She is and always has been a great beauty, astonishing in her twenties and thirties with one of those faces you just want to keep looking at because its beauty is so satisfying to the eye. Now in her fifties she is still beautiful and a lovely person too, so you can't mind the perfection of the line of her brows and her steady eyes. I've never been beautiful but I scrub up ok. I am used to the fact that I am attractive, but suddenly the extra weight seemed to be hurtling me towards old age and invisibility. That will come soon enough whether I like it or not but it suddenly seemed utterly stupid that, while ageing is inevitable, I was choosing to be overweight when that at least was not.

I went out and bought the India Knight book "Neris and India's Idiot Proof diet" and decided I would take control. I read it from cover to cover and last Sunday I thought "OK, this is it." One week in, five pounds down. Not a lot of pain and considerable gain. It is a low carbohydrate diet which I know from the past works for me, but pretty healthy food and I feel good on it. I know my great weakness is bread, Ian's homemade bread in particular, but I am managing without it and oddly feeling less hungry than usual. Maybe it wouldn't suit everyone but it is suiting me. The book is great, full of the sense that the writers really know how it feels as they have, between them, lost ten stone. I would really recommend it.

So I thought I would go public. I am aiming to lose another ten pounds, maybe a bit less if I start looking too thin in the face, the face being what you see most of the time. I want to like the upper part of my legs as much as I like the lower. I want to regain my waist as I am one of these apple shaped people who puts weight on around the middle rather than on the hips. I want to put my illness even further behind me, not an excuse or an explanation for anything. I want to live my fifties as healthily and attractively as I can. I want to feel that I am choosing health and strength and energy.

Further updates next week. Lunch is a salad nicoise (you do have to plan a bit).

Comments

  1. O wow good for you! wish i'd read this before I scoffed THREE (it was supposed to be one) cheesey rolls for lunch! I have lost a few pounds recently and was feeling pleased with myself. I MUST keep it up, so please say when you blogging about weight control and I will pop in and see what you are advising. Many thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. five pounds in a week? wowser.

    i got heavy when i moved to the cities. such a big lifestyle change for me--no longer living on the edge of the woods where i could hike every day, no longer living two miles from work and walking back and forth, no longer living on the edge of the North Shore, where i could ride my bike on the spur of the moment. i gained about 30 pounds in a year.

    (and i will always be impressed that doug married me when i was at my fattest.)

    it took me an entire year to lose 25 pounds. a whole year.

    and now i'm creeping back up a bit, and trying to lose five pounds, and finding it very difficult.

    i'll check out your book. and i'll come back and see how you're doing.....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well my D Diet is going well - the Divorce Diet - one and a half stone in 6 weeks - but I am eating again now!!! Still it did me good and I look and feel a whole lot better about myself.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I always find some excuse not to follow the no carbs diets, because I love bread so much. I could eat toast all day (and frequently do, along with three hearty meals and the odd slice of cake!) I might make myself try it though. I was always skinny in my twenties, filled out a little in my thirties, and now in my early forties have turned into an apple. Well done on your 5 pounds!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well done! 5lbs in a week is a lot! Uncanny similarities between us again - am a tad under 5'4'' and weight has always been between nine and nine and a half stone (Like to think running adds muscle weight!) so it was a shock when I developed a spare tyre recently and had to run it off.

    ReplyDelete
  6. five pounds is major! Huge well done. A tubby apple over here I'm afraid too (very unhealthy shape apparently). But I too love bread and carbs generally. I am pinning my hopes on the hormone checkout - always looking for a miracle cure when really it needs a bit of discipline.
    I too have that weird feeling that I am someone different on the inside to the outside - always such a shock to encounter mirrors and photos.
    That book looks good....I was tempted to buy it myself but thought, oh no, Jane, not another book that will just gather dust. But maybe.
    Glad you're with me on LJ and RJ....the devil's spawn! May this too pass.....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Best of luck with the diet. I've never tried to follow a regular one. I doubt if I have the right sort of self discipline. I tend to lose wait by not eating bread, potatoes and chocolate. Guess I'll have to get used to being 10 st 9ish

    ReplyDelete
  8. That's brilliant. I know what you mean about your self image. I'm ten years and ten pounds lighter in my mind. Might try to get that book. Truthfully I could do with losing about 2 stone but I'd be tickled pink with 5lbs.
    Toady

    ReplyDelete
  9. Does this mean no more cakes and no more Pizza lunches or Ale???
    How could you??
    I'll be getting that book never XXXX well done.

    PS go visit that house if you get a chance this weekend..xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Why i wrote never i don't know? may be it was subconcious leading my fingers..x

    ReplyDelete
  11. That's absolutely brilliant - India Knight is a bit of a heroine of mine, so funny and clever. And sensible about weight loss if you're anything to go by. Nice one! I was going to say join the gym, like me, but I'm almost in too much pain to type so maybe I wouldn't recommend it after all.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What a brilliant start to your diet . . .well done you . . and if you can translate diet into a permanent change of eating habits, to healthy eating habits because you are worth it (sorry cringe at term used) you will never need to worry about your weight again.

    Looking forward to reading about how well you are doing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Excellent start. I'm 5'4" and need to lose weight (now feel guilty cos I've just scoffed a cake!). Going to look at that book. I feel inspired now!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Just being in control of what you are eating is a boost in itself. Try cutting sugar in all its forms (alcohol, fruit processed carbs) from your diet and using an anti-candida formula for 4-6 weeks. Fungal infection is so insidious and wide ranging in its effects.....spit into a glass of water first thing(before drinking or brushing teeth) and check 10 mins later. If you see threads in saliva......candida infection.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Well done you.Could do with following your example. It doesn't sound too painful!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi there elizabeth - know just what you mean about eating standing up not really counting (says she having just demolished a thickly buttered scone because I felt a bit lightheaded and assumed it was because my blood-sugar level was low, and the cake tin was nearer than the fruit bowl...) Well done you for doing so well in your first week - don't be disheartened if it doesn't keep rolling off so quickly though - as I'm sure you know, it tends to go in fits and starts. We'll all be rooting for you and looking out for the next update.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh drat...now I've got to think about it as well....good luck Elizabeth!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yes, like SBS, drat, the guilt, the guilt, and an unnecessary cake has just found its way down my throat, too. Fought it did. Am doing the not drinking in the week thing again (hmmm, only Monday ...) as that helps, too. But am sure it's those casual reachings for random face stuffings which are the killer. As my father oddly says, No one came out of Belsen fat. And whatever "they" say about steady and slow, 5lbs is a *amn fine morale boost.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh Elizabeth, now I feel very bad for polishing off the last of the custard creams that the builders left in the biscuit tin! Lunch today was a banana and 4 custard creams - J out for the day (hence the not bothering just for myself) and no kitchen with a fridge balancing on wooden blocks!

    ReplyDelete
  20. This could be me, but I haven't quite had the kick up the a**e that I really need. I'm just so lacking in willpower. Well done you tho'.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Have just read your comment on my blog before going to bed - and am now going off laughing!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Comments are the best thing and the conversations they produce are the whole purpose of blogging for me. Do tell me what you think!

Popular Posts