Do you have signs that you are not on top any more? Daft signs, trivia, nonsense but they get me every time.
I am rushing around like an idiot again and here we go, all sliding away.
I have not filled the bird feeders. This should be something and nothing, after all it is autumn and the birds are hardly likely to go hungry. But every time I stand at the kitchen sink I look out at the feeders. When things are under control this is great. The feeders swarm with great tits and chaffinches. An elegant nuthatch walks delicately upside down to take peanuts. A woodpecker surprises me with the brilliant red of his lower body. Greenfinches and goldfinches hang just feet away. A flock of sparrows swoop in and fill the tree on which the feeders hang, the branches suddenly alive with movement. When I am not on top of the details of life they are just a reproach: silent, empty. I will do it, I think as I fill the kettle or rinse a mug and then the phone rings and emails ping into the inbox and I pack my bag and leap into the car and go away.
The compost bin in the kitchen is full. It doesn't smell yet (be thankful for small mercies) but it is overflowing with peelings and dead flowers and old teabags. All the other bins are full too. The recycling bin is at the stage where nothing else really fits and the ordinary rubbish bin has been squashed down so fiercely I know that when I take the bag out it is quite likely to tear and drop bits on the floor and make me swear.
My indoor plants need watering. I get up from my desk and think I will fetch a jug and again I am sucked into the immediate clamour of the phone and the computer and the builders wanting tea and my visiting parents (actually not at all demanding) passing by the window and my feeling guilty that they are not getting enough of my time. Hours later I go back to my desk and the streptocarpus on the windowsill is still drooping.
Outside the sweetpeas need lifting and damn it, where is my bulb order, all the additional daffodils and tulips that I spent so long choosing and ordering? I need to track it on the computer, it should be here by now, but I am outside and the chickens need feeding and the greenhouse needs watering and by the time I come in again I have forgotten about the missing bulb order.
The bed needs changing.
I need to plan and shop for food for my FIL's 90th birthday celebration.
I haven't rung my sister.
I haven't done my Welsh homework.
The deep red rug in the sitting room which is my pride and joy is covered with builders' debris, not from them, they keep to the kitchen, but simply because muck is trotting in and out.
Does everybody have these days? Maybe I will have a G and T and go to bed.