Tentatively thinking about gardening
As long time readers will know, last year was a disaster in the garden. The sudden death of my mother, my father's deterioration with Motor Neurone Disease and the decline and subsequent death of my father in law all conspired to produce a year which was entirely overtaken by family and family responsibilities. The garden disappeared under a tide of weeds and unchecked growth and the state of it depressed me so much that I could only manage by not looking at it, not spending time in it, not thinking about it. Wandering around left me desperately aware of everything that needed attention and attention was the one thing it could not have. I shut myself off from the garden as much as I could and when I did think about it I was assailed by a sense of failure. Even what I had done in creating some parts of the garden from a field felt hopelessly inadequate. My vision of what I was trying to do slid away like water down a drain. I hardly felt like myself without my garden obsessio